Dreamers and Doers

Who of us here listen to podcasts? Almost as many as those of us who create them I’m sure! I love that so many folks have had the courage to use podcasting as a platform to let their POVs run free to explore the big, wide world! It’s incredibly brave! In my mind I’m actually quite a gifted podcaster. I wonder if I’ll ever be brazen enough to find out for sure…. Anyhow, slight digression (ish)…

Continuing on...

Last summer, whilst touring our beautiful Okanagan Valley, an episode of NPR’s Hidden Brain popped up on the playlist. I will admit that my podcast repertoire relies heavily upon that which my husband listens to, but luckily enough he has fabulous taste in life (I mean, have you met his wife??)…. But if you haven’t listened to Shankar Vedantam’s Hidden Brain, I would totally recommend giving it a try. The episodes are never terribly long, and they always seems to be relevant for one scenario or another unfolding around me.

So, back to the podcast at hand…. This particular episode was called, ‘You 2.0: WOOP, WOOP!’ (In this case WOOP refers to Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan), and basically Shankar and his guest, German psychologist Gabriele Oettingen, chatted about the impact vivid daydreams have on attaining our goals. I have to say - when the episode first started I was SO EXCITED. I love daydreaming. In fact, when I think about my life as an adult I can visualize so many details - right down to what shoes I would wear when someone sits me down for my very sought-after, exclusive interview on all the worthwhile things I’ve done with my life. Needless to say, I settled in to give it a whole-hearted listen….

The podcast, and me listening to it, started out innocently enough. Gabriele was using an example of having a crush on a special someone, and going through scenarios which one typically does as they pine away over someone who feels slightly out of reach, only to find that they’ve, in turn, been pining, equally, for you this entire time! Aaaah, *sigh*. This is the stuff of romantic comedies (and I was hooked- I mean, who can resist a rom com??). But then things took a turn….

Instead of a good old fashioned Hollywood ending, I listened, in horror, to the findings that the study had shown the more time folks spent concocting scenarios in their minds about how magical life will be once they finally have the person of their dreams, the less likely they are to ever end up in a relationship together. Gabriele went on to explain that it appears those of us who spend a lot of time creating vivid plans for our respective futures tend to spend a lot less time actually DOING the things required to turn those dreams into actual life. Shot to the heart. For a couple of reasons…

One reason is having to come to grips with the cold hard truth that life is in actual fact, not a romantic comedy movie. I know- total drag. But the other reason, and perhaps even more disturbing, is that I could (and still can) see myself as one of the hardcore daydreamers. I don’t know if it hit me so fully because there was no escaping the mirror shoved in my face (Wish: check! Outcome: heck yea- I’m ready for the world to know I’m fabulous! Obstacle: oooooh…darn it… Plan: ermmmm…well, just wait a second….). The pragmatic voice on the truck stereo seemed to illuminate (with a spotlight in my face) the fact that I am a future dreamer, and true to the study, I completely panic, and bury my head in the sand once I hit the obstacle portion of the WOOP formula. And what’s worse - I can feel myself doing it. I can SEE it happening. I make those to-do lists and then frantically shove them in a drawer in hopes that I’ll forget that I’ve made the first baby steps towards having a plan. And I don’t know how to get over myself.

In my everyday life I don’t even pretend to have it all together - I am so incredibly well surrounded with love and support that struggling with an unexpected blockade in the system seems like a waste of time. I will unabashedly ask for help if I need it, and am not afraid to admit when I don’t have the slightest notion on where to start (I’m sure all my friends who’ve had to answer late night phones calls regarding HVAC, and plumbing emergencies, or carpool needs will attest to this). So it is quite strange, to me, that I find it so overwhelming to ask for a boost to get me over the first bump in the road that will lead me to the place where daydreams become actual life. It seems doubly ridiculous to sit, totally stalled, when I have the most amazing people in my life offering up their time and energy- all I have to do is say the word.

Sometimes I tell myself that I have lots going on with the kids, and other bits and pieces to fill in the time during this period of life with 2 busy teenagers and one busy husband. So, really - would it even be fair to anyone if I threw myself into hurdling over obstacles and creating blueprints for the future? I mean, that sounds like a lot, and my people need me! Or is that just a scaredy-cat’s way of saying, ‘I’m not actually brave enough to put myself out there because then I’ll have to put my money where my mouth is and actually commit to something’? Or, perhaps I take myself way more seriously than I realize, and can’t cope with the idea of having to roll with the punches if it means feeling vulnerable, or - heaven forbid- embarrassed? I want so badly to believe that there really is a place in the universe where daydreams can overlap with lists being checked off. I’m desperate to find it, really. But maybe that’s just another daydream I’ve created for my blissfully, paralyzed-with-fear self, and I’m actually way farther down this dream-reality rabbit hole than I realized….