Failed Success

You know what I’m not good at? Failing. I can sit here and confidently tell you this with a straight face because I’ve never actually failed at anything. But don’t let this impressive stat fool you. The reason I’ve been able to maintain a 0% fail rate is because I also have a very, almost embarrassingly, low ‘put yourself out there’ rate. But do you know what I am good at? I mean, really good at? Excuses. Yep. For a really long time I’ve been able to come up with a myriad of reasons why today is not the day I’m mopping the floor, or how it is that I forgot to put fuel in the car. But you should hear some of the top shelf excuses I come up with when someone asks me about my ‘job’, or even more terrifying - my ‘dream job’.

Considering I feel in my bones there is a dream job out there for me (let’s be real - I am way too emotional about life to not have romantic feelings about something as big as a calling), it strikes me as strange that anything pertaining to this topic slices deep to my core and fills me with fear. Fear of what, you may ask? Starting something and making a mess of it? To a point, but not to the end you may think (this is basically due to the fact that I know enough not try and make a mess of something that could actually be life threatening...1 point to life experience). Looking like a total numpty? I guess a little bit, but let’s face it - I seem to do that on the daily in some form or another- often with a smile, so that’s a start… Starting something and realizing it might be the wrong choice? Well, you put it that way, and yes. Bullseye. What if the choice I make is a mistake? I know - you’re probably thinking, ‘What if you make a mistake? What’s the big deal?’

See, I don’t think it’s the thought of having people see me make a mistake that worries me. Safe to say I’ve fumbled things up along the way up to this point - take my pickled asparagus, for example (insert very puckered faces and watering eyes). I think I most worry that if I take on a role that isn’t the best fit, I will justify why I need to keep up the task with a million different excuses. Reasons like, ‘We paid a lot of money to have me do this’, or, ‘It works right now with my family’s schedule’ or (and perhaps most guiltily), ‘I mean, I don’t hate it, and I’m decent at it - I don't really have a reason to not’... Oh, ummm, except my heart is slowly shrivelling into a dried up raisin... but other than that it's totally fine.

My husband follows the 'jump with both feet and sort out the details later' method of life living, whilst I tend to lean more towards 'Inertia is pretty powerful. Let's not poke the bear' technique. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe both practices have their place. Mine, for example kept our kids on a very successful and consistent sleep schedule. And my husband's keep me reeling, wide-eyed, and laughing (most times), on the most wild and exciting adventures I have ever had in my whole life. At times revelling in successes, and other times picking up shattered pieces of plans gone awry. Ok. Yes, fine, Different approaches, I will grant you that. And, as it turns out, pretty different outcomes. I've no choice but to concede that dream chasing is pretty exhilarating (and packed with learning!). What's more, if chasing someone else's dreams can be this exciting, it seems pretty plausible that chasing your own must be one heck of a rush.

So, I suppose, what I’m really trying to say is, that I am FINALLY ready to start failing at all the things to make all my dreams come true, but have no idea where to start. Actually. And, I could really use some advice. Anyone?? What are your biggest success failures? And how did you muster the courage to jump in??

photo by: (the very talented) Lisa Vandervelde